Monday's Thorns

Sometimes, people need breaks from what gives them the most joy, even though it brings them the most joy. Sometimes, life happens, and all we can do when we're left twitching in the corner, is to rest. Sometimes, trauma takes us away from what we love, and throws rotten tomatoes at us in the form of what we hate... which is pain, and a lot of it.

I was almost not going to write this as the beginning of the newsletter, and not talk about my trauma at all. But, I disappeared from my work. Before my disappearance, I was doing well -- better than I'd thought I'd do in a short amount of time.

It's been a year and three months since I'd been released from the psychiatric hospital after my trauma(s).

Many people will tell me that I shouldn't write this, but I'm not them, and as someone who writes poetry about emotions and past occurrences regularly, I thought it was key to tell you where I've been and why I went 'poof'!

I was gang raped on two different nights by the same three people, and raped on a different night by one of those three people. If you've heard my song, "Stockholm Syndrome," then you know a snippet of what happened to me. If you haven't, you can listen to it on the website, here, on Spotify, here, and on Apple Music, here.

All of this happened in May and June, which leaves these two calendar months as a time when depression, PTSD, and immobility tries to take over.

It happened during the several months that I was bedridden, when non-epileptic psychogenic seizures were first racking my body. Many of my poems, and even a couple of my songs, are about how they used my seizures to their advantage.

Because of all of this, rather than updating Marmosetic Wolves, posting on social, and creating the way I had been doing nonstop... everything screeched to a halt, and those screeches are still resonating inside my brain.

It took me a while to get back to doing what I loved to do, and hopefully this isn't the last time in the next month or so that you'll hear from me. There are many different things I'd like to release, most of which only need a little bit of editing here and there.

If you mosey over to the homepage, you'll see that I updated its format so it's much sleeker. I like it better, and I hope you do, too.

There are four poems for each poetry collection, here, on Etsy. That way, you know what you're getting before you get it. In the coming weeks, these poems will also be found here, on Marmosetic Wolves.

Can't believe I hadn't added previews before? Me neither!

How silly am I? Heheh....

If you'd like to stay on the website and meander, there are three new poems on the Poetry page. As you can see now in the menu, poetry, short stories, and articles (Writer's Life), are now separated. That makes this website's format cleaner, and easier to navigate for when more poems, short stories, and articles are added.

Above are the covers for each added poem. Tap on one to be sent to its page.

It's funny... I feel better now than I have in several weeks. Logically, I know the only way to kick my attackers's asses are to show them that a woman can, and will, dominate the arts she wants to dominate, and that dominating me can only push me further. Emotionally? It doesn't work like that quite as often.

But, it feels good to be back, and as long as I remember how good it feels to work... then I'll keep working to bring all of my ideas to fruition.


Helena Ortiz

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